Sneezing Himself Inside Out: a crazy story

It was after I wrote this story that I got a little bit shocked and asked myself if I was crazy. I guess I was particularly delusional that day.

There was a man in Healthyville who was always sad. Tears dropped down his face everyday. No one could really remember how long it was since he first cried. In fact, he had been crying so long that parts of his face were hollowed to make way for the tears. If you look closely, furry bits of green moss could be found growing among these tear tracks, absorbing moisture from the constant trickle.

One day, the man was heading out to buy broccoli from the store. The store cashier was an unfamiliar young chap who constantly sneezed into a white tissue. The man, upon seeing him, cried, “What misfortune befalls this young man that makes him suffer like this?”

The young man said in a nasally voice, “A cold.”

“Ah! The common cold in Healthyville! You are cursed, young man!” sobbed the man. He ran forward and hugged the young fellow, tears trickling down the poor chap’s shoulder.

“May you be blessed, young man. I pity you for your fate.”

The young chap leaned away from the man, sneezed into his tissue, and gave the man his broccoli. The man went back home bemoaning the young chap’s fate.

That night he boiled the broccoli and ate it for dinner. He blinked at the first bite, and found that his constant flow of tears had stopped. “How… peculiar!” he said. He was surprised. “What ‘appened?”

Then a tickle crept up his nose. He sneezed. Then sneezed again.

“Dear me!” he mumbled. “I am getting the cold the young man had! What sad luck!” But he started to wonder if it was really as sad as he said. After all, it was only a cold. And he realized in a whole five minutes, his tears had not fallen.

“Achoo! Achoo! Achoooo!” he sneezed.

Then he felt a horrible tickle at the depths of his nose. So horrible, in fact, that tickling his nose with a thousand feathers was nothing compared to this. He could have sneezed small, but the tickle would still be there. So he went with the other option. He sneezed tremendously.

“ACHOOOOOOOOOO!”

He shook the abyss out of the house. Neighbours started calling 911.

When the man woke up he found he was face down on the floor. He had sneezed himself unconscious.

He went to the washroom to wash his face. To his surprise, he couldn’t see his face anymore– they were a bunch of muscles, his eyes protruding out of the muscle mess. His teeth, too, were outside– gums and all. He peered down his chest from under his shirt. It now consisted of organs, the heart, the lungs, the stomach, and the liver. Most interestingly, he could see them functioning before his very eyes. This was such a queer change that he laughed.

Suddenly a knocking came from the front door. He went and opened it, saying cheerfully, “Welcome in! What a nice day is it not?”

The people knocking were the police. “Your neighbour phoned to complain about the level of noise you were making– wait. Who are you? Where is the sad gentleman who was always crying?”

“Oh I am he!” exclaimed the man. “Or I was, until my cold!”

The policeman noticed his strange appearance did not match that of the original person. Nor did his cheerful tone. “We are highly suspecting you of murder, whoever you are. Hold out your hands. We’re going to take you to the police station.”

The man happily let the police put his hands in metal cuffs. “Why, a police station! I never went to one before! This will be so exciting!”

Soon a doctor came to test his DNA. The doctor shook her head. “No, it really is him. Though it seems that his organs and personality are turned inside out,” said she, observing his protruding eyeballs and teeth, which were stretched in a (supposed) smiling expression.

The policemen sighed, feeling very stupid. “Ok doc. Thanks for your help.” They trudged out of the station, talking about coffee.

The doctor asked him on what had happened, jotting everything down in her notepad. When he finished, she smiled. “It seems that you sneezed yourself inside out! But the good news is, you have a resistance to the virus now!”

“YAY!” shouted the man gleefully. He ran out into town, forgetting to say bye to the nice doctor. On his way, he bumped into the sneezing young cashier. “Ah young man! A piece of advice– don’t hold in the big sneeze!”

The cashier stared after the odd looking man. “Do I know you?” He walked away, puzzled.

Meanwhile, a few blocks away, one of the cashier’s clients started sneezing.

Epilogue

The city became well known for its strange-faced citizens. Its name was changed to a better-suited name: Inside-outville.